Dear American Tourists,

1.) Thank you for visiting Berlin in spite of the weak dollar. We appreciate your cash.
2.) Get off of the bike lanes. Yes, you.
3.) Please stop being loud and rude. Your efforts make it harder for those of us who live here to be seen as polite people.
4.) Yes, KaDeWe has chili flakes in their some of their chocolate bars. These bars are labeled "Chili" which should tip you off. That does not mean you and your extended family should stop directly in front the of escalator and exclaim, "Oh my buckets, this chocolate here is SPI-CEEE!"
5.) Please don't only eat at Subway, Burger King, and McDonalds. Expand your horizons, please. Write to me, I'll give you suggestions.

Your desperate countrywoman,
Ashley