Am I a Writer?

August 1, 2008
My heart thumps when August peaks her head
to the tippy top of my calendar.
Jumpy/eager/anticipatory beats.
Light
Persistent
Shaky
Reveling
taps.
School starts soon. (Too soon? Not soon enough?)

Each summer I try to step away from school, but the truth is that I love my job. I miss it. Yeah, there are parts that drag me down, but I believe I have the perfect profession for me because guiding children as learners and global citizens is my passion. (It sounds like a purpose statement for a resume... sorry.) Today I spent a good portion of the day reading the 6 +1 Traits of Writing: The Complete Guide for the Primary Grades by Ruth Culham. I've decided to keep a notebook for the year (like Andrea) with a record of the 08-09 school year, and while reading, I jotted notes, ideas, quotes and plans. For some reason, I feel compelled to share them here.

First, I should inform you that I'm a process teacher. I teach so that the students can gain independence and personal fulfillment in whatever we are accomplishing, and (hurrah!) this book shares my philosophy. I struggled last school year with my value as a teacher because my students' works displayed on the bulletin boards didn't quite match up with the work another teacher's students were demonstrating. For a lot of visitors and parents who weren't educators, it must have appeared as though my teaching was subpar. Then, I spent some time reflecting on why I have a Writer's Workshop and realized that my students were excited to write, to share their work, and called themselves writers. They knew the language and process of writing, and every single writer in my class made excellent progress throughout the year. Value reaffirmed!Today I read a phrase in 6+1 which solidified my position, "When we emphasize finishing the work and making it look neat, students don't become writers. They become task-completers."

On the first day of school I take a writing sample. The assignment is simple. "We're going to write. You can write anything you want to write. We will write for 30 minutes, so there is no hurry. At the end of the time, we'll talk and make this the first piece for your portfolio." It's my first chance to assess my writers. Who ponders? Who stares out of the window? Who asks for help? Who pounces into the task? Who writes in English? Who illustrates? Who writes for 5 minutes? Who begs for more time? At the end of the time, we gather in a Writer's Circle and I congratulate my writers for taking the hardest step, getting started. Then, everyone unwraps their very own Writing Workshop folder, and Writer's Notebook. We celebrate our first victory by sharing a few pieces from brave 6 year-old writers.

I have such good intentions in the fall. This year, one of my goals is to have Writer's Workshop 4 times per week. Writing takes time, and I need to give it more.

While reading 6+1, I had flashbacks to 2 of my elementary writing classrooms. (Warning, these recollections are the perceptions of an 8 and 10 year old. Are they reality of the actual day-by-day classes? Debatable, but they are indeed my perceptions, and I've heard that "perception is reality..." I remember writing in Ms. Marshal's 3rd grade class. My friends and I wrote fantasy tales, realistic fiction, and books of poetry independently and cooperatively. I loved to write that year. I loved sharing my work, and felt like I was an awesome, talented, inspiring writer. (Actually, when reading it over in college, my work was okay...) Regardless of the actual product, my confidence as a writer soared. That year in addition to being a hairdresser, a mom, and a lawyer, I wanted to be a writer. Two years later, my confidence as a writer bottomed out. I remember using an English textbook and numbering a piece of notebook paper 1 to 25. On each line I wrote the answer of whatever exercise was assigned that day. "Find the helping verb in each sentence." "Capitalize the proper noun in each sentence." "Choose the correct homonym for each sentence." I was bored and lost and frustrated. What was a helping verb again? Why did it matter? When I asked for help, my teacher told me to read the text on the previous page and look at the examples again. I wanted to do well and be smart and so I did each exercise, and everytime I got back one of those papers the top said the same thing: how many I got wrong, the percentage, and the letter grade in bright ink. I always missed some, and felt confused about why I couldn't choose the right homonym. I remember Mom and Dad going in to talk to my teacher about why I was upset about English. I was upset because I wasn't a writer anymore. One of my biggest fears of being a teacher is turning a child away from learning like my 5th grade teacher did. She probably never knew how those percentages changed my self-perception.
I love my job, but it is delicate. I try to focus on Haim Ginott's words each day, "Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression."
(If you've read this far, thank you. "We write so that we and others know what we think." -6+1 Traits of Writing:The Complete Guide for the Primary Grades)