Why do I own so much stuff?

How, I ask you, can I have accumulated so many items in my six short years after high school? There is nothing like moving to another state and then to another country which makes you want to give every item you own, including the hand wax creation you made at SAC's Spring Fling, to the Salvation Army simply so you don't have to move it.

In six years, I have accumulated enough junque to fill an Honda Element, a Mitsubishi Eclipse, and a 17ft. U-Haul. And that is after I got rid of the washer, dryer, huge chair, ottoman, and couch. (Thanks Amanda, may you and Adam enjoy them in your future marital bliss.) I knew I really had too many items when I began thinking of the ways I could slow down my drive from Kentucky to Ohio. 'I wonder if that really is the largest Salvation Army in Ohio. Perhaps I should check it out. Hmm, I've driven past that gigantic Jesus torso at regular intervals for 6 years. I should get a picture with it today. Awww. This could be the last time I drive past Trader's World to see the mullet-people barter to get a hai-cut and som unnawear. Maybe I need a hair cut too?' Just about the time I would maneuver my car from the speedy lane to the slow one, I would get an image of my parents lugging my stuff from the U-haul into the garage/basement/shoestore, and then pity would wash over me and I would head north again.

Now, I'm in stage eight of the moving hierarchy. (PS- Hierarchies start from the bottom up, so read it that way.)

Stage 8: Unpack- Where can I fit these items in my parents house without cluttering up my room any more than the two chairs, bed, armoir, two bedside tables, linen chest, and book shelf already are?

Stage 7: Unload- Harumph, 1-2-3 lift, thud, thud, thud, thud. Drop. Crash. Oh, I guess that was the box with vases and picture frames.

Stage 6: Questioning the universe- Am I behind the second funeral procession in ten miles for a reason? Are you sending me signals, God?

Stage 5: Belligerance- What do you mean, Time Warner Cable door sign, that you are closed from 12-1 for lunch? I need to move.

Stage 4: Make it end- I don't care where anything is, just get it in a box and let's get out of here.

Stage 3: This Little Piggy- This box will go home. This one will go to storage. This one will be garage sale items. This one will go to Berlin.

Stage 2: Uber-organization- This box will hold mementos from Fall 2005-Fall 2006. This one will be all useful, opened office supplies.

Stage 1: Preparation-I'll be moving soon, so I better get some boxes, Sharpies, and mailing tape.

So, this is my blogging intro to the life of a school-teachin' 24-year-old Ohio native, Kentucky transplant who will leave in July to move to Berlin, Germany. I own too much stuff. Luckily, my garage sale is on Friday. See you there if you want your very own wax-hand replica.